All I can say is, "wow."
Wow - after all the hype, all the talk about the technology, all the talking head promotional run-downs of this being a 12 year project for James Cameron, the comments about this changing film forever - at the end of the day it boils down to the overwhelming sense of, "What a fucking disappointment that was."
I tried. I really did. At first, I was reluctant to see the thing because it sounded derivative of so much of not only other movies & stories (It's Dances With Wolves, it's Battle for Terra, it's District 9's evil twin, it's The Last Samurai, somebody read Joe Conrad in junior high) but also a thousand shared narratives within the human collective experience. I got arm-twisted because some people who I trust(ed) had said good things about it, and because I finally had a night out, just me and my wife - a nice quiet SONOFABITCHING LETDOWN. Here's a movie with something to say that you learned in elementary school, probably the first time you studied Thanksgiving. And the message is dumbed-down, predictable, expository and simple enough that even the most learning disabled kid you know would likely pick up on it. A ritalin kid being attacked by a chimp. Once again, a thrillingly beautiful movie for the lowest common denominator. And people are loving it. Look around - I am severely out of step with most of America right now in absolutely hating this thing. But I tried. For about forty minutes I tried not to snicker at the "unobtanium" in the first act - tantamount to actually having a character named MacGuffin and expecting me to take that seriously. I tried to get involved with the characters despite the fact that none of them is deeper than a desert puddle, but couldn't engage at all. And I tried to enjoy the beauty of Jimmy's artificial, obviously about-to-be-raped world, but kept thinking, "pressure sensitive blacklight planet - you dreamed this up while smoking sherm" and found the whole thing not even laughable or simply ridiculous (though those are both true) but boring. Boring is not a sin this film should have been allowed to commit.
Sins James Cameron is allowed to commit: Getting Jessica Alba on TV motorbikes, casting Bill Paxton over and over and over again until America believes he is talented, drowning my evil twin.
And neither is rampant narrative and visual unoriginality. The "lush and convincing" environment of Pandora is lame. It looks great, sure - like you were selling 3D CGI to people who had never seen it before ("I have here, in my wagon, the answer to all your three dimensional needs!") - like a really advanced version of those stoner VHS tapes we had when C was in college. Oh, and throw in some bioluminscent animals for good nature. For the kids' toys. Also, giant trees and noble, graceful blue people. Who sparkle like Meyer's vampires. And the blue people should ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO PHYSICALLY LINK TO ALL THE CREATURES ON THE PLANET, just in case some brain donor in the audience misses the point that we've carved into the end of this massive, unwieldy three hundred million dollar hammer. That big point about being linked to nature and all.
Bad story, bad characterization. I thought story was king, but then I have been naive about a lot of things. There is no story here. There is preaching, but not even in the interesting, black church on a Sunday way. More the white Protestant non-holiday Wednesday night kind of way. Flattest hollywood characters you have seen since the Police Academy movies, I shit you not. One dimensional people in a nth-dimensional world. Stephen Lang and Sigourney Weaver are wasted in their roles as hardass soldier and hardass researcher, respectively, and Zoe Saldana's a lot more used in Star Trek than here, where she's essentially a foil for the plot itself, inexplicably falling in love with the schmuck on a rope played by Sam Worthington.
I just don't get it - I heard people talking about what a "fun" movie this was. Which part? The violent rape of the planet? The screaming death? The corporate/military bullshit? The Bambi-level lecturing about connections? Or was it when it was over, and you left? 'Cause that was a fun part for me.
I'm also amused by the Mc-tie-ins this naturalistic film has. And that the crowning achievement of all this tech is to explain how great and cool nature is, and how you're wrong to war on it. Back to nature, with your soda in one hand, popcorn in the other, and 3D glasses stuck to your bastard head.
So, yeah. I hated it. I think it's a bad movie. It's a pretty movie, but it's a pretty, bad movie. There's nothing original going on here, you've seen it all before. The only thing to be impressed with is that they were able to animate stuff you've seen, and they've done that before, too. So if you're really into being impressed by other folks' skills at fucking with your eyes, then still - don't go see Avatar. They've already got $800 million worldwide, they don't need your fucking coin. The movie sucks, it's childish and stupid and full of holes, and you'll lose IQ points just looking at it.
Of course, you've all already seen it, and I am too late.
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