I, like most people since the 2004 Super Bowl (and before that, the Meese Commission, and before that, Tipper Gore, and before that, Potter Stewart) have been trying to get a handle on what constitutes "decency" in this country, and how we end up violating that, specifically on television. With this recent batch of FCC rulings handed down, I now realize that I am apparently living in Bizarro-Amerika, and me am fine now. Janet Jackson's breast, (which we had all, for the most part, seen) is exposed, and we go nucking futs as a country. Bono says "fuck," and not in a hostile way, 'cause he's happy and Irish and that's just how they talk, and there's a public flap about it. But Saving Private Ryan, the only film I've ever even fucking heard about that can cause relapses into shell shock when vets watch it because it's so violent - that's okay. Because of the context.
Wow. I knew that was true, but I can't believe we came out of the closet and admitted it as a country. Violence is okay - especially goddamn dogface grunt soldiers at war, defending this country for God, Mom, and a solid economy - but sex is not. Confusingly enough, Janet's breast is apparently more offensive than talk of sexual practices and homosexuality on Prime Time. And everyone but everyone knows that Will & Grace is offensive - you know, 'cause of all the gay people. One breast, and it's worse than all of these things. Maybe it's because it happened on Sunday, and God saw it. Yeah, that must be it. I knew that the violence thing would be okay, though, because of the Fox Network. Anyone who's ever seen how Bill Fucking O'Reilly treats his sacrificial "guests" knows that a little violence on TV is okay by conservatives.
Speaking of that ratfuck O'Reilly - I'd like to fight him. I just got around to watching Outfoxed, which I rec'd as a gift last year (thanks, Josh & Amy) and after the way he treated Jeremy Glick, I'm looking to kick his ass. No debates, no discussions, just some lead pipes and a dark parking lot. I will pipefuck your enormous skull into a pancake, Bill - just name the time, jagoff, and you'll aspirate teeth.
Moving on - ahem - the residents of the dumbestfuck state in the Union have endangered one of their largest natural areas - the Everglades National Park - by introducing unwanted pet Burmese pythons into the park. These yo-yos get pet snakes, the snakes get too big for them to handle, and since they lack the stomach to kill them or the foresight & wherewithal to find someone who wants them, they introduce them back into nature. The wrong nature. Now, we have an invasive species in Florida with no natural predators to feed on it, and St. Paddy's is still seventeen days away. Actually, I'm looking forward to the day when the Sunshine State is subsumed under a quivering, hissing, slithering reptilian mass, and the idiots and the zealots and the pushers and the politicians look up and plead with me, "Help us."
And I'll look down and whisper, "No."