During a rare surprise press conference today, the Bush administration shocked the world and the scientific community by at last acknowledging the existence of the phenomena known collectively as Global Warming. President Dubya Monkeyface Bush has been a holdout on this, knowing that acknowledging the problem would mean doing something meaningful about it, but with recent trends in catastrophic weather, like Hurricane Katrina, estimated to be the costliest disaster in US history, the White House was forced to step forward with an explanation.
Standing in front of blurry photos of Saddam Hussein - seated in a huge motorized black leather chair and petting a white cat - and a large map of Louisiana, President Dubya Monkeyface Bush, looking smug, explained the connection between Hussein, 9/11, North Korea, the US invasion of Iraq and Hurricane Katrina:
"It has come to my attention, and the attention of this administration, that the recent tragic storm known as Hurricane Katrina is actually Project K89, the result of the Weather Manipulation Device, which is in the hands of an unknown, but soon to be invaded, nation. Saddam Hussein had the technology to use this device, but sold it into the hands of a rogue nation - probably North Korea - sometime before his capture. During the time when he was plotting with Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, who is pinned down in the world somewhere by our forces, powerless - I can assure you of that - they decided to use their evil weather machine to warp global weather systems, the better to hide Osama's escape. See? After 9/11, they needed to have something that would paralyze the world, so, working together, they developed this machine. Every time it rains, it could be the terrorists at work. No longer is simple outdoor life an innocent pleasure. We must be steadfast in our resolve to do whatever it is we will do. If you look at the destruction wrought by Hurricane Katrina and feel a sense of sadness and outrage, it is your responsibility as Americans to support the US when we decide to attack somebody else, and invade, looking for this new WMD. Thank you and God bless."
Fight the weather, folks.