This is probably an old and tired observation, and many of you likely already know this in your hearts, but never being one to let already flattened ground be spared my heavy tread, and since I sat through the Ennio Morricone tribute section of the Academy Awards over the weekend and had to hear her, I thought I would share with you an observation or two about Celine Dion. I like sharing. First off, I don't know why she's still around. Titanic was about a decade (or 95 years) ago now, and even James Cameron's moved on to peddling dubious religious artifacts to promote his new filmic efforts. I'm sure she's put out some new stuff in the interim, and that my not being up to speed on her more recent career developments reveals me to be the callous philistine that I am, but is there really anyone who thought she was ever anything more than a Michael Bolton-class songstress? Whatever wavelength she's on, I have trouble hearing it, but the dogs down the block went nuts for her "song." I have come slowly to realize - based on the noises that issue from her and the facial contortions she undergoes during one of her performances - that she is less possessed of a mouth and more using some kind of chin-mounted sphincter, like something out of a William S. Burroughs drug-addled nightmare. I fully expected farting sounds in the rests, as her face once again snapped back to what passes here for normal. Additionally, I find her big arm movements distracting, as though I were Japanese and encountering a boisterous American businessman for the first time. It's like she's more qualified for hula, or perhaps bad dinner theatre Kabuki interpretation, and less for well, singing. I don't mind a singer moving around when engaged by the song, but since she only moves above the waist and only using her arms in these odd sort of Dr. Strange-type incantation gestures (see above, though I suppose this could just be "please get me some water") one is left with the impression of a not-quite-completed animatronic Hollywood experiment trundled out on occasion to perform.
I think what's actually happening here is that I'm offended by her, but it's been so long since I was offended in this way, I'm approaching it from a distance so I can begin to work with it.
I really have to remember that this is why I never watch the Oscars anymore. As it was, we turned it off in the midst to watch Red Dragon instead. Not a bad call, I suppose.