I had someone ask me one of those "what would you do if you were obscenely rich" sort of questions not long ago, & for some reason I actually gave it serious thought for a change. Provide for my family's future and send all my friends checks is first, of course. I would want my whole job, pretty much, to be meeting people and finding out about stuff I could help with or fix with my new resources. I would also want to do a ridiculous amount of traveling, and buy a much larger share of Marvel and their various divisions. I would want to urinate on Rupert Murdoch, of course, and knock out a few of Trump's teeth. (Man, that Trump website screams 'class.') Lunch with McKellen, Ellis, Greenspan. Then you get into the really petty and materialistic, where I have a seriously heavy-hitting comic book collection. Then I started thinking about cars. I think I would want some cars.
1933 Rolls Royce Phantom II - it's the Rolls Royce Phantom II. Black, preferably.
1948 Tucker Torpedo - I like Tuckers, what they look like and what they represent. I always thought the Torpedo was the coolest model in the series.
1950 Mercury - Because they look like tanks with cooler grills. What I would drive if I were a hitman.
1956 Nash Rambler (two-tone green or blue with white) - There was a guy who lived around the corner from us, off Johnson, in Madison, WI, and he had one of these. This was during the period when I was carless, and riding the bus everyday, with the pants gangstas and the licker guy, and I thought, at least four or five times a week, "Man, I wish I had one of those."
1963 Lincoln Continental Convertible (black) - Because it's the car Kennedy & Connally were shot in on November 22nd, 1963. And it's probably best if I don't say anything else about it, other than I would always corner at only 11 miles per hour. See? Even that was too much.
1966 Lincoln Futura The Batmobile from the late 60's Batman TV series. Yes, the campy one. But the car fucking rocked. And so did Julie Newmar. There are bad Batmobiles and good Batmobiles. The current one is excellent. The one from the 89 movie was good, and so is this one. The Futura has fins, though. Fins both rock and rule, like Run D.M.C.
1971 Dodge Demon "I've got a car for you! It's a HELL car!!!"
1973 AMC Gremlin (with the Levi Jean interior) Is there anything, short of the Pacer, which I once had the misfortune of making a trip from Nashville to Indianapolis in, uglier than the Gremlin, from AMC? Yes. The 197-fucking-3 Gremlin with Levi Jean interior. Disgusting. Like what a 1970's pimp's accountant might drive.
pre-1974 Tatra T603 (white) When Communists had cars, they had Tatras. Castro drove a white one, all over Cuba. They are elegant and to my eye, attractive cars, until they fucked up the body style after the period I define here. When Tatras wore out, they sent them back to factory and re-tooled them, spitting them back off the line as new Tatras. That's communism, right there.
1979 Stutz Bearcat Ever since I had one as a Hot Wheels.
1981 Cadillac Hearse I know the cooler people out there would want Harold's hearse, from Harold and Maude. But I grew up in the South, and this model is what people went to the cemetery in. Ghostbusters made it cool, but I would want to have a fog machine in mine, I think.
1985 DeLorean It's the Back to the Future car. It's the cocaine scandal car. It's the first sports car I ever drove. It's made of stainless steel and has completely pointless gull-wing doors that the hydraulic fluid used to crap out on. They're so pretty.
1985 Pontiac 6000 sedan (British Racing Green) - this was my first car, hence the color specification. I don't want one in the shape mine was in, with bent frame, cracked windshield, buckshot in the door and wreck damage. This was the car Jon christened "Dentladenworthy." No, I'd like a good version of this car. For nostalgia.
1999 Bentley Hunaudieres - in movies about the future, they always do "the sports car people will be driving in the future" and it never quite works for me. This does.
2008 Tesla Roadster - I saw this Nova special recently, with the guys from Car Talk, and thought to myself, "Finally, someone's making a cool eco-friendly vehicle." Of course, they're ridiculously expensive, and currently, I don't even think I can afford one of the hats off the website.
I'm sure you have your own fantasy vehicles, or something you think I left out - tell me.