Too Many Movies

Starting last week, I am targeted by Hollywood into basically being at the movies all summer long.  I am a sucker for the summertime films.  "We do not do it out of choice- we do it because we are compelled."   I think I caught the bug in 1989, the year that this and this came out in the same summer.  I think I saw each about four times in the theater, and dammit if there's not another Batman and another Indy film this summer.  I will, by spending all my time behind cinema walls, attempt to discover if one can live on just popcorn, nachos, Junior Mints and soda.  I expect my food bill & relative mass to climb drastically.

Iron Man was last week, and Speed Racer is tomorrow.  Our whole family is planning to see this glossy Wachowski brothers movie if all goes to plan.  Try watching this preview from a six-year-old's perspective (and if you are incapable of doing this, I weep for you) and you will see a giant and amazingly exciting landscape of cars, speed, jokes, monkeys, and fun.  Like the Matrix for primary schoolers, and hopefully without two butt-ugly dark and stupid sequels.  John Goodman, Susan Sarandon, & Christina Ricci (so Jimbo's there on opening night) - Go, Speed, GO!

The fourth Indiana Jones movie comes out on the 22nd, and while Jesse will be first in line at the theaters, I hope to be right behind him.  This movie has the power to shatter one of my boyhood heroes, so they had best watch their step.  You hear me, Spielberg?  Lucas?  I will have your enormous ego containers mounted on the wall of my bathrooms if you fuck this up.  Yes, Indy's old.  Yes, it has Shia-Keanu v.2 in it, and so did Constantine and Transformers.  He used to be an actor, though.  Remember?  And a lot of it is just going to the movies and having fun, so I'm going to grit my teeth and hope for the best on this one.  Remember at the end of Last Crusade when atheist Indy has to take a leap of faith and step into what appears to be a void but is really a perspective-invisible bridge?  Yeah, like that.  If you don't remember that, remember this: you come here, in part, because I am a bigger geek than you are.  It's like stopping off to see the pickled punks.

Incredible Hulk.  Like you, I wonder.  As a fanboy, I hope.  As a Marvel stockholder, I buy a fucking ticket and just sit down.  No Ang Lee this time, no Nick Nolte, no art house pauses, no Hulk doggies, no overrated Ms. Connelly.  All new casting, a total re-boot.  Ed Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth.  The sight of two giant monster people throwing down on a city street seems like it could quickly go very wrong, but I'm holding on to one thing: I find it very hard to believe that anyone would repeat a major mistake like the Hulk movie - no, wait - I find it very hard to believe anyone would fund such an enterprise, ever again.  So, we'll see.  We'll all see.

Wanted, on June 27th - radically different in concept from Mark Millar's brilliant work, but features Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, pretty effects, and yet another leading man who's name I cannot remember.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  This one, based on the previews, can only be one-dimensional, so it's a thrill ride, and if it fails at that, it fails.

WALL-E, also on June 27th, presumably to take the edge off of Wanted.  All Pixar projects have been quality.  They are fun to watch, have good writing and good characters, and are enjoyable for the adult chaparones of the kids they're supposedly aimed at.  A lot of full grown people put Finding Nemo and the Incredibles in lists of favorite movies.

Hellboy II - July 11th.  You either get Hellboy or you don't.  If you don't, don't bother, because this one's going to go further into the really weird territory where both Mike Mignola and Guillermo del Toro live inside their minds.  More Hellboy, more Liz - and Abe gets his real voice back!

Dark Knight.  July 18th.  If it's anything like it's predecessor, it'll be the best movie of the Summer. 

X-Files 2 July 25th.  Heh.  Well, I'm going.  And I have my tinfoil hat.

Comments

[Jesse]

Amazing that you have to take your daughter to the Speed Racer movie to see the damn monkeys...

Crystal Skull... I'm hoping for a bit of redemption here as well. See you in line...

[Jimbo]

I did in fact see the 'racer on Friday. At 2pm. In Orange County, California. And I didn't even know that the Ricci was in it until she showed up in mah face.

[Marty]

Did you guys go see "Speed Racer?" I expected a review. The critics hated it. What did the Squidbag think?

[G]

Marty -

Our plans got changed as Max got invited to his friend Steven's 7th B-day party, which is this coming weekend and involves them going to see Speed Racer. So I don't know when the rest of us will see it, now.

If it's review-worthy, I'll take a stab at it.