Mitt Romney is too rich & entitled to be President. The man had a Swiss bank account, and pays far less (as a percentage) in taxes than even most rich people, taking advantage of loopholes in the tax code. You would, too; that's not the problem. The biggest reason that you should care about this? You know in your heart that people have to be a little fucked-up to want to be POTUS in the first place, and all that you can really do is pick the kind of fuckedupedness with which you can best deal. The reason that you really don't want a Romney in the White House is because Romneys are like Bushes; they come from well-established conservative political families with a legacy amongst the Republicans, and they feel, emotionally, that they're entitled to seats of power, having sat their asses in well-upholstered ones their whole lives. You really want a rich guy in the White House who's mainly there because he wanted to add it to his collection?
Likewise, Newt Gingrich, who just wants to fuck the country until it can't take it anymore, then throw it over for whoever can handle the sheer Newtness. Nothing in Newt's approach would indicate that he's ever been wrong, ever. Not when the government shut down on his watch, not when he blasted Clinton for fucking around whilst he was fucking around, and certainly not while he was working hard to get laid with America and a bunch of wives in his way. Newt wants to turn back the clock to the idyllic days of poor people in their place, child labor, and gay sisters you don't talk to. Newt's living in the past - he talks like Nixon, and he's got a "21st Century Contract with America" on his website.
Before 2000, I would have said that Rick Santorum is too stupid to be President, but Dubya Monkeyface showed just how goddamn dumb you could be and still sort of do that job. Now, there is no bar. Reading through (p)Rick's positions on the issues is like reading a pamphlet you found under some loose ammo on the dashboard of the truck that was parked outside where the shootings occurred: more guns, less gays, more babies, fewer rights, God's awesome, America's the best. NUMBER ONE, BABY! YEAH! And then, just when you think CREEP is the worst acronym you'll ever hear, he does this. Rick Santorum, whose last name has already come to mean this, launches CUM. Launches it! HA!
And then there's Ron Paul, who has so thoroughly brainwashed the students at my University that they flyer the school for this putzwang. It's easier to scare than to convince, and when you shout "BIG BROTHER!" at a susceptible generation of people over and over again - going out of your way to create a free campaign ad of opportunity at an airport with your likeminded son - eventually, they begin to overlook that you have no plan for what happens when Libertarianism creates problems for lots of people at the fringes of society, and that you're a racist homophobe (really) who doesn't like people very much. I mean, I don't like people very much, but I'm not running for office. He's like The Smiler's doddering half-crazy uncle.
So where does that leave you if you want to vote GOP? Resigned, confused, screwed? Could it be, maybe, that the guy you're all disgusted with right now is still the best choice? That the cult of personality is a mythology surrounding a kernel of truth? I don't know, but only a complete shithead would vote for one of these guys.
