Don't judge me; I needed storage bins and a picture frame and milk and bread and make-up for my lovely wife and fish tank things and so on, and they were the closest place to my house that I thought would have all of that. I should have known better, of course - Wal-Mart never seems to work out for me, not really.
First off, it's raining. The hazardous combination of Tennessee drivers plus rain is well documented, so I won't belabor the point, other than to point out that until I went out today, I had spent the entire day organizing papers and watching political dramas in my den. So the contrast was jarring, and may have soured my mood.
Then, people were dicks. People were on cell phones, shouting and not paying attention to their environments, people were not spatially aware, people were ignoring their crying children, farting and laughing about it, listening to loud bad music, and parking their baskets in front of shit and walking away. I hate people on the best of days, and today is not one of their best days. I was not enjoying my last half dozen interactions when Dorkbag Stumbleson came hobbling down the aisle on his cell phone, turning 360s and and looking around for something or somebody while trying to hold up his pants. When he encountered my now stationary basket corner, he actually said, "Excuse you."
ME: Excuse YOU, motherfucker. (For the record, "motherfucker" is not a go-to epithet for the suburbs. I was not raised entirely in suburbs.)
ME: Look, I've had seven non-quality interactions in a row since I got here, so I'm going to give you one short chance to back off and move before I see if I can fit you in one or two of my new storage bins I got here. Now clear out so I can buy my base or foundation or whatever the hell it's called. It's been a long week.
He moved and went away without another word, and I got space around me in every direction as others cleared a path. So I guess I can recommend this technique for your use in crowd control.