I feel that, in all of the hubbub and fooferaw surrounding this latest bit of acting out to create album sales by Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke the general public - or at least, the vocally offended public - may have missed something crucial about this whole thing.
It doesn't matter. Fuck all. It's a less-than-zero occurrence. There is nothing in this that matters even a little. A fart is more urgent.
I know we as people want to react - it's exciting, aerobic, and it gives us something to do - but often, we ought not. Quiet, internalized reaction is undervalued. For me, at least, I'm not entirely certain what it is we're meant to be reacting to, and I think when the "news" channels have Thicke's mom on, they might be confused, too. I mean, let's break this down:
This happened on MTV. MTV hasn't been relevant in a dog's age, and so it schedules stuff like this to happen once a decade or so that you will remember that they exist. The Madonna/Britney thing? Same deal. Further, it happened on an awards show. Short of the jobs they provide for the people who work on them, awards shows could not be less important. They don't matter even a little. If your enjoyment of a thing is affected by whether or not it wins an award, then you are shrunken on the inside like a dessicated amphibian, and stink of the need for validation and approval. I piss on your shoes. It was terrible, from Miley's drunken, new-born foal stumble from the bowels of the Cyclops bear to the twerkish gyrations - I've seen better Super Bowl halftime shows, and I'm ALWAYS just waiting for those to be over.
Maybe it's that you're scandalized by the age dynamic (which I'm not even going to cover), or maybe it's seeing Miley's ass. Nah, that can't be it. We've all seen Miley's ass. Miley's ass has been on parade since before it was legal, so that's old fucking news. Additionally, if you have gotten this far in life without seeing a 20-year-old woman's whole ass displayed like fresh fish, then you are not an American. Maybe you're icked out by Miley's parade of unusual simulated sexuality, like rimming & furries. True - the way she presented those things was icky, but get over yourself and read an article once in a while. It's apparent to me that somebody watched a bunch of porn and designed this sophomoric tribute to titillation - just be glad she didn't 2 Girls/1 Cup us with this.
Maybe it's Miley's tongue, but I think that we can safely assume that Miley has no sweat glands, and that this is how she cools off during a performance. This wouldn't be too much of a stretch - her dad is Billy Ray.
The second wave (I'm at least ninth wave, for those keeping score) of reaction seems to consist of those digging for deeper meaning - racism arguments, slut shaming arguments, double-standard discussions, sexuality on display, not copying her example, and so on. This wouldn't be a bad idea, except that it is. If you're still wondering if Miley's a backward-ass and probably mildly racist country fuck like her old man, then you missed the boat a while back. You can't even see the sail of the boat. It's not enough for you that this performance objectifies people, we have to talk about which ones specifically. Pretending to be shocked by this now demeans us all; just admit that you wrote the article in your diary or as part of a thesis last year and just waited for her (or really anyone) to fuck up so you could use it.
As far as the slut-shaming and double-standard stuff goes: Let me know if that works for you. Let me know what great change in those things you extract from this important goddamn MTV fake-ass moment, with MILEY CYRUS as your galvanic point. Your opportunism hurts my teeth; I understand the impulse to leap into any fray with such important ideas, but this is a severe miscalculation. Finally, if you're trying to get your daughters not to behave like this, showing them this, ALLOWING them to be aware of this, is a terrible idea - look how much apparent power Miley fucking Cyrus has right now. Terrible timing. Just awful.
We can talk about Robin, I guess, but if you think his song's anything but a frat-boy-level contribution to rape culture, then parts of your brain have gone AWOL, possibly due to MTV, bad songs, and ridiculous public discussions. The thing we're really avoiding here (although it doesn't much matter either) is how much this music sucks. It sucks. It's suck music, it's the musical equivalent of the filling in Oreos - cloyingly sugary, terrible for you, kind of unfulfilling on its own, and nothing to chew on. This music is not even interestingly bad - like, say, the Wesley Willis back catalog - it's just boring. It does not live up to the hype, or even rise to the status of ear worm. At best, it's an ear Wet Willy, surprise, it's in your ear, then you're pissed and looking to get it out. The Thicke song is so boring I didn't even finish the video with naked women in it. I suspect they're in there because Robin knows this will end up as strip club music.
If you people had let this go early on, it could have faded away. Now it's too late. It's among us like venereal disease, and the only way to keep it away is protection or abstention. I'm going to choose to abstain from Miley. And Robin. There's a new Goodie Mob album out, after all.