squidbag

These Rotten Fucks

These rotten fucks who live here are trying to intimidate me, and hopefully, readers of the Squidbag are already pretty well informed as how well that will work.  Today, after Max and I attended the lovely fair at Christie's school (we just go to fairs, now - I'm hoping to get paid for it soon) he and I went home for a while to let Christie do some work at school.  We were home napping, for two hours, during which time it got dark.

Under the cover of darkness, some cowardly prick stole my fucking Kerry/Edwards sign and replaced it with two ('cause, you know, they have a bunch left over) Bush/Cheney signs.  It's like that scene in Pulp Fiction,  - it would have been worth them doing it, if I could only have caught them doing it.  Smash their fucking heads in with my shovel, and that's when I'm in a good mood.  Anyway, this is the second time something like this has happened, the first being when someone tore the Kerry sticker off of Christie's bumper.

This proves one thing conclusively.  As much as I might want to, I would NEVER take down someone else's yardsigns, tear off stickers, and plant shit they didn't want on their property.  So we're better than they are.  These are proto-humans, lower than whaleshit, and they call themselves Republicunts, or something like that.  Don't feel guilty if you hit one with your car - it's not like they're people, after all.

400 Tons

Some people say the President is out after blood,
and that, when he speaks, it’s like a cow chewing cud.
He’s nothing but nerves and skin and bone;
and a mind that's weak, with ideas so wrong.

And he was born one morning when the sun never shone.
He picked up his Daddy’s coattails and he went off to war.
He fed the American people a whole mess of lies,
and he used 9/11 to make a lot of folks die.

You lost Four hundred tons, and what do you get?
Incompetence, danger,and a big deficit.
Don’t ask where the weapons are,
‘cause we don’t know...
A vote for Bush will condemn your soul.

So if you see him coming, you better step aside,-
He’ll raise up your all ya taxes, oppress yo' civil rights,
and his brother steals the ballots on election night,
His name’s Dubya Bush, and he ain’t never done right.

I said, Four hundred tons, and what do you get?
Incompetence, danger,and a big deficit.
Don’t ask where the weapons are,
‘cause we don’t know...
A vote for Bush will condemn your soul.

(With obvious apologies to Merle Travis & Tennessee Ernie Ford)

Bush's Remarks in NH

Campaigning in New Hampshire today, President GW Bush was refreshingly candid with the crowd, and the Squidbag was there.

"Listen...the only way to lead this nation is with resolve, forcefulness, and steadfast commitment to spreading freedom...I suppose that's three ways, but let me give you an example.  Laura, my wife, she's real popular with the American people, and she spreads freedom and democracy in her own way, like Dick Cheney does.  Being the President of the United States, I've talked with world leaders - all over the globe...except in France, and if you ever needed proof of their...well, this business with Yasser Arafat.  We live in a post 9/11 world, and we have, ever since terrorists crashed planes into this country on 9/11.  To fight this war on terror, we need sacrifice.  It's time for the American people, you, to stand up and sacrifice your rights, so I can have more.  And your money and security, so my friends can have it, so I can have it, have the tools to spread freedom and democracy all over this world.  It's the only way to fight this war, steadfastly and with resolve.  It'll be hard, but being the President is hard.  I've been there, and I'm there now, with you, the American people, fighting this war on terror...we can't afford to let down our guard now, flip-flopping like crazy, voting for the war before voting against it. We have to fight this war...on terror...now, more than ever, when the terrorists have 386 tons of explosives that the Russians gave them...that's right, you knew they'd be back...we have to fight this world...and you know video can be faked - I've seen it.  As the President, I've seen all kinds of things, and it's hard, it's a hard job.  But you can make it easier, by giving up more of what you have for freedom, to spread freedom, and give Iraq their elections, and establish a free economy, like we have in Afghanistan, with the increased crop production and the exportation of goods.  We won't be held captive by fear - we're going to use fear to steadfastly and determinedly expose and pursue those who...It's time to stop spending so much time on science, stem cells, Halliburton - questions about bids and FBI investigations, what will they find?  Nothing.  We would have found WMDs by now if we weren't so busy with the business of partisan politics and legal wrangling - and I know about legal procedures, how do you think I became President in the first place?  It wasn't easy, it was hard.  And it won't be easy giving the country up...for most of you, but if you're not supporting freedom, you must be supporting John Kerry, that's what I say.  I'd be honored to have your vote.  Thank you."

Jesus sez, "No Clones."

Proof positive that Austrian womanizers are smarter than devout Roman Catholic anti-Semites.  The following italicized stuff is from a report about Mel Gibson's opinions and wrangling on the stem cell issue.  An issue apparently popular to readers of the Squidbag, so I figured, "What the hell."

NEW YORK - Mel Gibson has an "ethical problem" with a ballot measure that would promote embryonic stem cell research and has tried to talk to the governor about it — but he hasn't gotten a call back.

Well, imagine that - a citizen not getting a direct call back from the Governor.  I feel for ya, Mel - Jeb doesn't return any of my calls, either.  He's too busy rigging elections and keeping brain-dead people from violating his personal code of ethics.  Oh wait, religious people have morals, not ethics.  I always forget that one.

"I called Governor Schwarzenegger last night to talk about this very issue," Gibson said Thursday on ABC's "Good Morning America." But when Gibson raised the issue, he said the governor told him he had to make a speech and would call him back.

It's cute that he calls him "Governor Schwarzenegger," don't you think?  I love the excuse, too.  "UH...AH...I HAVE TO GO...AH...MAKE A SPEECH...YEAH."  (I don't know why, but I always hear Arnold in all caps.)

"Well, Arnold, I'm still waiting for your call," Gibson said.

Embarrassing someone on national television is always the best way to get them to return your phone calls.  I mean, that's what I hear.  They won't let me on national television.  Besides, they say the camera adds ten pounds, and I don't need the help, thanks.

Schwarzenegger recently broke ranks with the President Bush to announce his support for the measure. Proposition 71 would sell $3 billion in state bonds to pay for human embryonic stem cell research.

First off - and I never thought I would say this - but props to Arnold for breaking with the Republicunts and doing this.  Secondly, he's only supporting the measure at this point, so what does Mel think he's entiitled to?  You made a Jesus movie, so everyone, including the Governator, gets to hear your valuable fucking opinion?  You trying to talk him out of it, or is it that you believe that your opinion is so fantastic he just must hear it?

Gibson, a Roman Catholic, said that when he first heard about the proposition he was overjoyed but later changed his mind.

"I found that the cloning of human embryos will be used in the process and that, for me, I have an ethical problem with that," he said.

You "found?"  In your extensive research, you mean?

Gibson said he had no faith in the cloning of human embryos but would support the use of adult stem cells.

I don't really know what this means.  He has no faith that cloning exists?  That it will come to pass?  And lemme ask ya this, Mel: Why would God give us the means to find a technology that we weren't meant to have?  Yes, we as humans are responsible for putting the brakes on ourselves - but is this meant, in your philosophy, to be some sort of divine test?  Does a cloned human have less of a soul than the source DNA?  If so, why?  The Christian position on this confuses the shit out of me, so please, Mel, break it down.

"Why do I, as a taxpayer, have to fund something I believe is unethical?" he questioned.

You don't.  Go back to Australia, you fucker.

Gibson has often spoken publicly about his faith.

No shit?

His film "The Passion of Christ," which chronicles the last hours of the life of Jesus Christ, was one of the most controversial movies in years. Some called it incredibly moving; others criticized its bloody depiction of the crucifixion and its negative portrayal of the role of Jews in Christ's death.

Haven't seen it, won't comment on it.  Won't see it, very likely.  I can't believe this shit is news.  The Sox winning the series is way more important than this.  The film that crushes Bush's argument about the 400 tons of explosives being taken while not on our watch - much bigger fucking news than what Mel thinks.  I think maybe I should live in a small cave on an island, and rant at the palm trees by the light of the fairy moon while growing really potent trip-weed right next to the monster, genetically altered chili peppers.  Just drop crates of whiskey and comics once a month, and I'll be okay.

More Florida Election Crap

As we all suspected, Florida is full of criminals, total chuckleheads, or the worst possible combination of the two.  For those of you hoping that Florida would get its shit correct and actually stage a First-World style election for the office of Chief Executive, well, you best find another horse upon which to bet the fucking rent money.  We don't do democracy here in Florida, buddy.

Reported today by the Reuters News Agency, 60,000 absentee ballots, accounting for 5% of Miami-Dade's voters, have been lost - either through the colossal stupidity of the United States Postal Service, or were stolen and dumped in a fucking swamp, which I find much more likely.  This creates a situation where folks are out of town and can't vote, and the Office of the Postal Inspector is investigating, law enforcement has been called in, but nobody yet seems to know if this first delivery of absentee ballots ever made to the actual Post Office.  I would point out that we are, right this minute, four mail days away from the fucking election.

In addition to this, the BBC is reporting that the Republican party has a list of Jacksonville's black voters, and that their operatives have been instructed to challenge people at the polls, forcing them sometimes into a provisional status of voting.  Details are here, courtesy of Truthout.  This is nothing more than focused intimidation, trying to make things difficult for people at the polls, and it's a shitty way to try and win an election.  It's as if they know there won't be enough real votes for Bush, so they'll disenfranchise whoever they must to get there.

In a perfect world, when the President of the United States' brother is Governor of the only state which has had major problems in both elections concerning his status as President, we wouldn't wait for proof, and we would never dismiss his influence out of hat.  There would be serious investigations into his behvior, professionally and privately, and people would call for him to be suspended pending his exoneration.  Additionally, a party found to be up to intimidation tactics would be dissolved at the state level, at least, and criminal charges would be filed against the individuals involved.

This is ridiculous, it quickens my rage, and I don't know why nobody does anything.

Contact Governor Jeb Bush

Office of the Florida Attorney General, Mr. Charlie Crist

Broward County (Miami) Supervisor of Elections, Ms. Brenda Snipes

Baker County (Jacksonville) Supervisor of Elections, Ms. Nita Crawford

Leon County (Tallahassee) Supervisor of Elections, Mr. Ion Sancho

Republican Party of Florida

Republican National Committee

The Noise in My Head

I was talking to Christie about some of this last night, and I suppose that's put me in a confessional kind of mood...some of you are no doubt wondering, first off, if I ever plan to return an email written to me, and this is sort of my lame-ass excuse for not doing so.  Having said that, I'll probably do it tomorrow.

The noise in my head is really loud these days.  Yesterday, I closed my eyes for a few minutes, and I could hear "Arabian Nights" from the movie Aladdin playing as a small yellow half-circle folded in on itself without changing shape, over and over, each time accompanied by a burst of red light.  This was happening simultaneous to a re-play of a conversation I had with one of my vendors a few hours earlier, and went along with some chunky blue noise that would have been white had it not been, of course, blue.  Today I have felt like my skin is sick all the time, with too many messages from my ears and nerves, and I keep thinking I hear the sound of jangling keys.  When people talk to me, I often get impatient, because I say something, then I have three thoughts, and at the end of those three thoughts, I think, "A lot of time has passed since I said what I said," and then I realize that's four thoughts, and then I get caught up in the homonym game between 'four thoughts' and 'forethought,' and they've answered me, but my mind had wandered, and it turns out it's only been a couple of seconds anyway, and they didn't really notice.  I catch myself staring off into space a great deal, and I know there's a rolling boil of hostility towards my in-laws (who exist in these insane cycles of dead-end behavior that could drive you MAD if you let it) and the town that I live in just beneath the surface, but I'm hesitant to bring it up, because it's my fault (which just adds to the fire) and it hurts the woman I love, (which doesn't help, either AND I'm probably doing it again right now).  Sometimes I get caught up in thinking about everything at once, and then I see people with no homes and lives wrecked, and dying in Iraq - and I feel like a self-centered putz.  Which just gets me started back on the whole hostility train again.  So I've been indulging in a lot of escapism lately, comic books and movies and video games... and of course, there's always this as a release - the self-centered putz's way to throw all of your excess brain garbage to the 'net, and make a total braincase cleaning.

A lot of you have been really cool in the last couple of months, and I should be better about getting back to you - but the various phone and storm problems have prevented some of that, and coupled with what I put up there above, maybe you get some of it.  As always, feel free to comment on the blog, I usually respond to most of those fairly quickly, and I'm resolving here and now to do better with emails, too.

Best Terror Ever

President Monkeyface (pictured at left) is campaigning today in Colorado and Iowa, but not in front of mixed audiences of undecideds. In fact, at the Greeley, CO stop, attendees had to profess a support for
the Monkeyface administration in order to attend. The President will be preaching his tired diatribe to these people, the one we've all been hearing these past couple of months - "I'm the best President to fight the War on Terror." (I've only added caps 'cause he would've.) We know that he is campaigning this way because any other avenue of attack would leave him outdoors, taking a piss into the wind. "He is assailable, say his staff, privately over amphetamines and mocha, "on everything except his war. We'll put that out there, build up the idea that the nonexistent Iraqi branch of Al Qaeda will attack as soon as Kerry is elected, and that'll win us those swing voters." Problem is, they're probably right. Another problem is this; they expect people to believe that he is the best President to fight this "war on terror" in spite of:

- The more than 1100 American soldiers killed since Assface preened around in a flight suit in front of a 'Mission Accomplished' banner and pronounced an end to hostilities in Iraq;

- The 100 or so of our allies who have also lost their lives in that period;

- the estimated 15,000 Iraqi dead from this thing of ours;

- The more than 11,000 injuries from the non-existent hostilities on the allied side (remember folks, that includes everything from the smallest injury to people whose lives are changed forever. An amputee never gets about their lives quite like they used to...) Most of these injuries result in underarmored people and vehicles in Iraq, doing their duty. And before you start an argument here about who authorized what funding, I submit to you that people should NEVER HAVE BEEN SENT there with inadequate armor - this bullshit where we send folks and then see if we can armor them up and get them vehicles is unacceptable;

- "The Insurgents may be more organized than we thought." 50 Iraqis were shot execution-style and killed over the weekend.  They were some of the guys being trained by us, and they were going home for some R&R when this happened.  Nice command presence, guys.

- The mystery coalition. I like to think I pay pretty good attention to the news and stuff, and I picked up on England, the Aussies, and Poland...we used to have Spain...Bulgaria? Are they one? Regardless, I'm missing, like thirty countries or more, depending on which time you're listening to Monkeyface. And I wonder: do they count Iraq?

- Their choice not to act on anything until AFTER the WTC had been destroyed, knowing that we would fall into line much more easily if they had a tragedy to evoke. (The American people famously don't pay any attention to theoretical dangers);

- Osama bin Laden is still out there. Not in Iraq. Seriously.

- Everyone on Earth now knows what WMD stands for, but have we seen one? Any in Iraq? Seems to me, the only out-of-control rogue government on the world stage with a vast proliferation of WMDs is us. (Walt Kelly would be proud.)

- Just after the war, materials that could be used in the creation of nuclear weapons went missing. On our watch. The IAEA and various weapons inspectors (Hans Blix and David Kay among them) tacked us to the wall with one of those staple gun things for our incompetence in allowing this to happen. Now, we find out today that something like 400 tons of explosives have also gone missing, and also during that period. These explosives could be used to "detonate a nuclear warhead." Once again, I ask you, do you feel safer?

- We have allowed our soldiers to come under the administrative and operational control of the provisional Iraqi government. Have a problem with the UN telling us what to do? What about an Iraqi General issuing orders to American troops that we have to follow? We were in the process of freeing prisoners from an Iraqi compound, and were then forced to stand back and let the Iraqi soldiers in question have them back. Now, when it comes to American vs. Iraqi brutality, I'm not sure most people have a preference, but we have this fine example;

- Abu Gahrib. American soldiers attacked people with dogs, beat them to death, and forced them to masturbate and perform naked gay sexual activities in public, ensuring, according to their beliefs, that they can never go to Heaven. Sound normal to you?

- Charles Duelfer, the man selected by these assholes to look for WMDs, found nothing, found no evidence to indicate that Iraq was making anything, and nothing to indicate that they were trying to exchange the nothing that they had with terrorists. They ignored this, harping on the old chestnut of "well, they were gonna give stuff to terrorists." My three-year-old has a better grip on reality than this. Of course, he also doesn't have chats with God about bombing other countries.

- The Afghanis, who you might have heard, have just had a wonderful round of elections, are within days of becoming a narco-state, that is, a country whose biggest export (and, really, the only profitable thing to grow) is poppies and heroin. I guess the War on Drugs took a backseat to the War on Terror.

- "We will be welcomed as liberators." Wow. And we'd leave our kids with Michael Jackson, too.

- The 9/11 Commission, which I have now completed reading, found no "operational relationship" or "collaborative relationship" between the Iraqi government or its agents, and Al Queada. And if you make that weak-ass argument about how "Yeah, but they were in Iraq, and doing stuff there," then I would invite you to check the itineraries of the 9/11 hijacking murderers. Is it any wonder the President and his flunkies resisted the formation of this committee and their own appearances before it?

- Since September 11th, 2001, our President (well, somebody's President, anyway) has managed to destabilize the Middle East, allow Sharon to put himself in a precarious position and called it a victory, allowed Putin to make the same power grab he made, alienated most of the rest of the world, divided this country's voters as deeply as I've ever seen them. Not to offend anyone personally or anything, but anyone who votes for Bush based on his achievements in the War on Terror, should have their voting rights revoked, their head examined, and maybe have their claims to basic human rights looked into.

I could go on, but I won't. I have temporarily exhausted the bright, burning flame of my hatred that is stoked every time I hear the President campaigning on his war record. And do I think Kerry could do better? Yes. This President has handled things so abysmally that almost anyone could do better. Regardless, I will not reward this putz for mishandling his war (and making me pay for it) with a vote. And neither should you.

(The Squidbag gets its information from the Nation, CommonDreams, CNN, NPR, the BBC, primary source materials and my own goddamn brain.  You can do the work if you insist on checking my facts.)

Happy Birthday Godzilla!

I would like to take this opportunity, as one sea-based creature to another, to extend to Godzilla, known in his native tongue as Gojira (which is apparenlty a fusion of the Japanese words for 'gorilla' and 'whale,'), a happy fiftieth birthday.  Apparently, he's going to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (most actors don't have to wait for 50 years, folks) and the premeire of a new movie, Godzilla: Final Wars, after which he will retire.  He's earned it, you know.  I'm sure he'll be dragged out of retirement someday, but until the Toho group needs money, let's wish Godzilla many happy returns.

I've been a fan of Godzilla ever since I can remember, and he was always my favorite movie monster.  This childhood bullshit we went through about King Kong vs. Godzilla?  Pshaw!  Who made one movie, and who made like, one a year?  I think that answers your question.  (Kong's getting another remake, by the way, courtesy of Peter Jackson.  Before you get too excited, Jack Black's in it, and he's not playing Matt Olson.)  Godzilla is, and will always be, the King of Monsters!  Wolfman, Dracula, Jason, Freddy?  Too small to present a challenge.  Godzilla's appeared in a great number of movies, a solid video game (which I suck at, but I'm working on it) and lots of comics, fighting anyone from Hero Zero to Mr. Monster.  It's all good.

Okay, not all of it.  The 1998 film with Sarah Jessica Parker's husband and Jean Reno was pretty bad in a lot of ways.  It was not, in my opinion, totally without redemption, (shit, Reno does an Elvis impersonation) but it did attempt to answer a question no one wants answered - what gender is Godzilla?  We refer to him as 'him,' but that's just because he knocks down cities and burns stuff, which we assume is typically male behavior.  I will vouch for the following Godzilla films, which I think paint a good picture of the best monster ever (years looked up on IMDB):  Godzilla (1954), Rodan (1957), King Kong vs. Godzilla (1963), Wrath of Daimajin (1966), Son of Godzilla (1968), Destroy All Monsters (1968), Godzilla vs. Monster Zero (1970), Godzilla vs. Gigan (1972), Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974), Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975), Godzilla 1985 (1985), & Godzilla Millennium (2000).  There's a bunch more, but I haven't seen some of those.

Culturally, I think Godzilla is important for a couple of reasons.  First, he was the pioneer and vanguard of exported Japanese pop culture - Americans didn't have Anime, Manga, Akria, Sailor Moon, Tamagatchi, Pokemon, or Dragon Ball Z, then.  No ninjas, no popularly taught martial arts.  No Japanese movies.  No Kurosawa.  It could be argued that we wouldn't have been open to, or even exposed to, any of this stuff without the successful export of Godzilla.  Additionally, Godzilla represents a culture taking their fears and sorrows and turning them into art.  Just as the Fantastic Four, the Hulk and Spider-Man were all created out of early sixties worries about radiation and nuclear advances, there is no doubt that a huge, genetically-altered monster off the coast of Japan is an artistic extension of the horrors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  An explosion at sea is what serves to create Godzilla, and he comes and wrecks huge and populous Japanese cities.  Eventually, the tone of the movies changes from the dark monster from the sea to make Godzilla sort of a protector for Japan, which is what happens in most of the Godzilla vs. _________ movies.

And now, I hope you'll join me in a big Dating Game kiss for the big guy.

Trucks & Trees (Last Ivan Post)

I see trucks.

Every morning, on our way into Max's school, we have to go around trucks while those guys who stand in the road with the sign (a job I believe Colleen used to do) wave at us.  The trucks are trailers, most of them.  One in three, though, has a huge claw on the back for picking up massive piles of treebris and dumping it into the trailers, which then drive away and dump their loads somewhere.  This is providing a clearer picture of the environment than has been available up to this point.  With all of the wreckage of tree hauled away on 297, you can see that some of the land looks completely clear-cut now.  It was one thing to get used to the chaotic wreckage everywhere, and trees that look like Autumn even though it's not, yet - but looking out at nothing where there used to be something...  I have a dual reaction, actually.  There's missing the item, "Hey, there used to be a tree there, yeah?"  and there's this other, kind of strange excitement about things being different.  Ultimately, you wind up resigned, because no matter how you feel about it, the neighborhood you live in looks different now from when you got there, like you could mark the calendar B.H. and A.H., for before and after hurricane.

As I go around, doing business and meeting people - even when I buy gas, everyone's got a story to tell about something they saw, heard, experienced before, during, or after Ivan.  I don't know if these are all true, but I definitely had all of them told to me.

"...the wife and I were hunkered down in the hallway, and from the bedroom, where there's this big bay window, we hear this clattering sound, and then a big WHOOOSH! and then the sound of the rain, y'know, coming right in, and getting on everything.  Could see it coming from under the door.  After the storm was over, I went in there, and the bay window had been sucked out.  But, it was sitting intact on top of a damn azalea bush in the yard, about three feet away."

"Well, the house I'm moving out of has to have some roof work done, and the house I'm moving into has two trees through it.  In spite of having two houses, I'm homeless.  After we close on my old house, I think I'm going to Costa Rica."

"...they're called microbursts, and they're these pockets of 150 mile and hour wind that come well after the hurricane has already moved through.  So, two doors down from me, this guy's tree gets sheared off at the trunk, but the tree stays more or less where it is, caught in the power lines and stuff above.  We all see this when we go out after the storm, about six hours later.  About an hour after that, we get one of these microbursts, breaks some windows, gets some mailboxes.  It also grabs the tree, turns it completely 180 degrees and puts it through the roof of another neighbor, who said he recognized it as the tree from down the block."

"So, I'm sitting there watching the backyard, things flying by, random shit.  This piece of wood flies through the screen on the left and goes right through the screen on the opposite side - that's when I decided to go inside.  That fucking spider held on 'til about 80 miles an hour, though."

"...it was one of his political signs.  He hadn't taken them down since the elections, and he's still got some up.  Anyway, this one flies through a window, and hits this lady in the neck.  She's suing him."

"House was okay, but the whole sidewalk floated away."

Anyway, the nighttime smells like wood burning, and the daytime is crazy humid, and hurricane season ends in November.  FEMA is still in every other mall parking lot, and I see lots and lots of trucks.  The FEMA people, who arrived here about fourteen hours before Ivan gave this statistic: "For every hour Ivan has landfall, that is a month, roughly of cleanup hours.  Ivan was active on the ground in Pensacola for twelve hours."  So, it's going to be an interesting year, I guess.

Aargh.

This morning, I dropped Max off at school, and he ran directly into his classroom (a small victory) and began to color a picture of a T-Rex.  I checked him in, and then, walking towards the door, I said, "You guys have a good day."

And his teacher said, "Sir?"

Aargh.

Y'know, I spent most of my previous evening lying on the floor and reading the Geoff Johns run on The Flash - like, twenty comics.  "Sir," my ass.  I don't deserve that.  I go to work in shorts for chrissake.

This made me laugh out loud, repeatedly, as did this.  So, for a change, a little bi-partisan bashing today.

I heard this item on NPR yesterday.  Aside from not accomplishing anything, I didn't think it was funny.  I'm not sure, even taking this "tongue-in-cheek" or as total satire, why this is meant to be funny.  Are other marriages really this unhappy?  Does anyone else who reads this blog relate to this?  For going on ten years now, I have known that I was lucky to be in a happy marriage, in spite of problems like money and both our families, but apparently, things are even better than I thought.  Shit, I don't know why people stay with people if they find themselves imagining that their spouse is dead.  That's grounds to ask for a divorce, I think - or at least, counseling.  "Honey, today I imagined that you were dead.  But just over the lunch hour!!!"

Finally, with everyone and their Mothra flying into Florida to watch over early elections, the first case of outright elections fraud is being reported out of - Ohio.  This guy named Chad (oh, irony) submitted a whole bunch of voter registration cards with names like Dick Tracy, Michael Jordan and Mary Poppins, and asserts that the NAACP was going to pay him in crack for doing so.  Well, shit, people, what do you expect from people in Defiance County?

Meanwhile, there is a tornado watch on in the panhandle of Florida.