I should target this missive mostly at Brett, but I thought I wanted to tell many of you about the cat man. When Brett moved to Orlando, his cat, Tink, (who is pregnant) had made herself scarce, and he couldn't find her to take with him. She started coming around again that night, and we tried to figure out what to do with her. She and my cat, Emmett, simply do not get along. Recently, Emmett has been whipping Tink's ass, keeping her away from food - so I decided it was time for this to stop. I'm no cat killer, so that was out, and abandoning a pregnant cat is a death sentence. You ever try to give away a pregnant cat? It's like asking people, "Here, I have a box of shit, would you like some?" I called the Humane Society, and they're maxed out after Hurricane Ivan - they can't give away what they've got. They said I could call the County, but as soon as they learned she was pregnant, they'd gas her right off. (Wonder how this predominantly conservative burg feels about cat abortions?)
"However," the nice lady from the Humane Society says, "there is a cat protection ring you could try calling." Now, I don't know about you, but "cat protection ring" makes me think of cats with brass knucks and forking up a couple hundred a week - if you're lucky. Nevertheless, I called the number, and got this guy who's kind of a dick, but who manages to keep a lot of cats alive by maintaining a call list of people who take in, feed, and try to get adopted, strays and unwanted cats.
Second number on the list is Larry the Cat Man. Larry wants Tink, no question. I go over to Larry's house at about sixish, with TInk in the bag, and the first thing that becomes apparent is that Larry lives at 10451, and the cats live at 10471. They have their own house. And they need to, 'cause there's a couple of fucking hundred of them. Really. I stopped counting cages (big, dog-sized cages) at 40 something, and that was the first room. I talked to Larry for about 1/2 an hour, and he's kind of cool, actually. He won't let anyone adopt black cats in October, 'cause of the Satanic rituals, but otherwise, he's cool. He also rescues feral cats, and he showed me some of those. Nothing quite as unnerving as something that looks like your house cat, but is waiting for you to get close so it can fuck you up. Obviously, Larry loves cats, and he promised to birth the kittens, get Tink fixed, and try getting them all homes. Failing that, she'll live in the house forever, surrounded by other cats. If Brett should ever return and want her, and she's still there, he can take her back.
I liked this solution. I feel good about it. Now, if I could just get the smell out of my clothes...