The White House: "White House Switchboard."
The Squidbag: "Hi...ah, White House? I've got a little problem here, maybe I need some help with..."
WH: "What seems to be the problem, sir?"
SB: "Well, ah...I went out to get my morning paper, see, and uh...well, it looks like the President of the United States is asleep on the rocker swing in front of my apartment."
WH: "Did you say the President, sir?"
SB: "Yes, that's right. And he reeks of cheap scotch sweat. Like licking a penny."
WH: "I'm sorry - (sound of shuffling, muffled conversations) THE President?"
SB: "Yes, the actual President, wearing his suit but missing his shirt, tie like a headband, nose like a margarita glass, pistol in the shoulder holster, on the porch furniture...I'm poking him with a stick right now, thinking about sticking some fruit on his head."
WH: "Wha - Is he waking up? (heavy shuffling sounds) Sir, this is Frank Corley of the President's Secret Service detail; who is this, please?"
SB: "Eh...I'd rather not say. There're always helicopters over any place I live anyway."
WH: "Sir - we will find out, but in the meantime can you confirm the presence of the President at your residence?"
SB: "He just farted and rolled over in his sleep. That swing really isn't big enough to sl-"
WH: "SIR. Can you get close enough to the President to see his left ear?"
SB: "Okay...I'm there. Whouf, what a smell."
WH: "Can you read me the code there beneath his ear, just above the speaker jack?"
SB: "Zero-four-three, six-eight-six, one-one-six-three."
WH: "Sir, we are now on high alert. Please step away from the President as his tracking system bleeds radiation that may be harmful to you and your family. (to others) People, we need a team to the following coordinates on the double, I will need the Full Bender extraction, retrieval and damage teams..."
SB: (goes back in, closes door)
POTUS: Mmnh...look at me, 42 million...accomplish...