Cease fire is being discussed in Sudan, "Witch fire" consumes great swathes of Southern California as a million people are forced from their homes, Turkish troops are massing along the Iraqi border, and Bush's War is going to cost the taxpayer another $42 million, at least. Violence against women worldwide is on an upswing, according to the UN, people are still filing idiotic "Borat" lawsuits because they got caught acting like themselves, and this guy from Illinois apparently killed a Nashville man with a hammer.
But no. What are we focused on as Americans, if the stats for most of the search engines are to be believed (after the government changes all the numbers for publication)? Ellen's dog. Ellen DeGeneres' former freaking dog. I've always liked Ellen, thought she was funny - her Taste This album is among the best of all times - and I don't think she mishandled anything as far as I can see. Other than breaking down on her show, of course. She probably shouldn't have done that. But she's dealing with that, too. Basically, she got a dog, it didn't get along with her other animals, and so she gave it away to a family who wanted a dog, violating some sort of contract that most people could give a shit about. She's not Mike Vick, people, and it's only because of his cruel, dumb ass that we're paying that much attention to this non-story.
And overlooking the most important fact in all of this. "...DeGeneres and her partner, Portia De Rossi..." Who? Isn't that the hot chick who used to be on Completely Inconsequential Fox Television Show? Holy shit! It is! Ellen gets such hot women! Wow! Way to fucking go, Ellen! If you were here, I'd congratulate you, high fives all around! Damn, girl! Portia De Rossi! Whooo! (This last noise is meant to be an approximation of a live studio audience, duly impressed with Ellen's sexual partner selection prowess, expressing it as only a live studio audience is able.)
Which is to say, "damn."