On Wednesday, Chief Executor Dubya Monkeyface Bush got himself up in front of a bunch of people and made the mistake of talking. Talking aloud is something he can rarely do without garbling his syntax, making a mess of things diplomatically, threatening people, and stepping on the toes of whole groups, often nations. In this way - except for the 'nations' part - the current President is much like a New Jersey mob boss in the way he deals with situations. With the same emotional range and dark past filled with strippers and coke.
To begin, the President is threatening us with a war I thought he already started, World War III. I thought we were in that. I mean, I'm no analyst or historian or diplomat or general, but I thought a World War was where more than one nation's force was engaged in a conflict against another force made up of more than one nation, and that the conflict raged internationally. Well, if the President's previous statements are to be believed - and don't let me talk you into anything rash, here - there is a coalition of the willing, made up of several nations, and those nations are currently engaged in a two-front war against Iraqi insurgents, and whoever it is that won't let us leave Afghanistan, all because of Winn-Dix - I mean, of course, Al-Qaeda, an organization with more tentacles than a Lovecraftian hallucination, again - if the Monkey in Chief and his lickspittles are to be taken at their so-called "word."
Nevertheless, the Prez has it that we should keep nuclear knowledge from Iran, and that Putin better explain himself better, or we're once again teetering on the brink of mutually assured destructification. I like this quote: "...I've told people that, if you're interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing them (the Iranian government) from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon." It makes him sound so goddamn folksy, doesn't it? "Well, seems to me, best way to avoid a thermonuclear exchange is if we all sit down and work this out over a frosty lemonade and slice of my mom's rhubarb pie. What say?" Also, since this information is publicly available, seems like restricting the materials would be more productive.
In addition, the President addressed his ongoing concerns about pissing off the government of Turkey, who will flat kick our white asses off of Incirlik Air Base if our congress passes non-binding resolution calling the Turkish genocide of Armenians a Turkish genocide carried out against Armenians. He minimized the importance of this, saying that the Congress of the US should be far more concerned with its present-day responsibilities, - i.e., shipping weapons and guns and bombs through Turkish air bases - than with tidying up the historical records of shit that happened during the Ottoman Empire. Falling back on an age-old argument here, George; If it's so unimportant, why are the Turks so worked up about it? It matters because millions of people died. Now shut the Presidential Yap, please.
But no - there's more. Dubya found a way to compare himself to the Dalai Lama, besides the fact that they both have Rolexes. (Beware the music of the Rolex site, by the way.) The Lama believes in religious freedom, and Dubya believes in religious freedom, so in this way, they are similar. Also, this proves that Turkish people, who control your shipping routes and supply lines matter, and Chinese people, who got the Olympics and with whom we have a huge trade deficit, and who keep causing trouble with tainted dog food and toothpaste and leaden toys anyway, can take a sharp diplomatic stick dipped in habenero rhetoric to the eye now and again.
Now pay attention - he's probably going to be talking again soon.