At the grocery store:
Me: (with hands on bottles of mango and pineapple sodas) Alright, this'll be a treat - pick one.
Max: Okay, well, the mango soda's orange, and it's Autumn, and orange is a more Autumn color - because of the pumpkins plus the leaves - than the yellow, the pineapple one, I think, so I'll pick the mango soda.
Me: Cool.
Older Lady Walking By: Oh, just enjoy him! He'll be gone tomorrow!
Me: (to Max) Are you leaving tomorrow?
Max: (grins) No.
Me: Oh, that's all right then.
Older Lady Now Stopped Dead In Her Tracks: I just meant...time is...you know...
Us: (walking away, giggling together)
At the laundromat:
Curious Looking Guy: (wearing headphones and just staring at me, folding my laundry for a good fifteen minutes, and is unresponsive to even the most overt forms of greeting)
Me: (walking over) Is there a problem here? What are you looking at?
Huge Guy: Is there a problem over here?
Me: That's what I was just trying to figure out. This guy keeps staring at me like he's got a crush.
Huge Guy: That just my cousin Robert - he retarded.
Me: Oh. No worries, then.
Huge Guy: (furrowed brow, thoughtful pause) Unless - you got some women's undergarments in with your family's stuff?
Me: Yeah...
Huge Guy: Ohhh...ROBERT! STOP LOOKING AT THE WOMEN'S UNDERGARMENTS, MAN!
Robert: (slowly, like molasses, turns head to gaze out window)
Huge Guy: Peace, man.
Me: Uh-huh.