On any other news cycle - one that wasn't during the long Thanksgiving weekend (so I'm confident that was the plan), one that didn't have a capsized ship in the Antarctic, one that didn't have this Pakistan bullshit in it, and et fucking cetera - there'd be a lot more attention paid to the fact that this country is being run by nasty pinhead shitbirds, and moreover, that they've always been shitbirds, even before you stupid fucks voted to re-elect them, giving them the margin to steal democracy for a second time. At least, I think that's true. I get more and more unsure of just how far behind the looking glass we are these days, so I lack conviction on certain points that used to be, for me, ironclad. One thing is certain, however; Shitbirds live in the White House. I have evidence.
Exhibit A: They think punishing a rape victim is pretty much okay. In Saudi Arabia (an ally in the all-important War on Scariness) right now, the government is giving a 19-year-old six months in jail and 200 "lashes" for being a rape victim. Or, more accurately, for being half-naked in a car with someone not her relative at the time seven men dragged her out and raped her at knifepoint. That's adultery in SA under Muslim law, and she admitted it. So I guess that makes it okay for her to be raped. Repeatedly. She was "only" getting 90 lashes until the media got ahold of the story, so you know what that tells you - Allah doesn't want you to talk to the fucking media. Osama's tapes - every one - a pavestone on the road to damnation. Now, she's getting a punishment almost as stiff as some of the attackers, and of course, the Monkeyface administration, concerned as it is with human rights and humane treatment for everyone has stepped up, vocally condemned the act, and sought to spare this woman from six months in jail and one of the tortures to which Christ was subjected. Bullshit - no they haven't; they're fine with it, it's just one woman, and if it upsets the Dems and the do-nothing Congress that they say nothing - all the better! "Fuck 'em" runs the typical White House conventional wisdom, "we're right, and we need no one else." (Go here to be further outraged.)
Exhibit B: Your honor, I submit that the President and Vice-President should be ridden out of DC to the nearest hanging tree, whereupon we oughta find us the stoutest hanging rope available and string 'em up by their atrophied genitals whilst we fillet and field dress the pair of 'em. Maybe also fire should be involved. Why? Over and over again, Monkeyface's less-than-White House has been compared to that of Richard Nixon. The monkey is far, far worse, O loyal reader(s). It is now obvious to anyone with a pulse and even monocular vision that the President, Baby Huey, Dickie Boy, and Armitage outed Valerie Plame as a covert agent of the CIA back in 2003, and then told people to lie and cover it up. They committed treason against this country, its agents, and its intelligence gathering organizations and apparatus for political reasons. Clinton lied and encouraged others to do so - over a blowjob. This obfuscation is criminal for so many reasons beyond Bill & Monica's Big Adventure that it actually pains me to write this. These hypocritical bastards actually committed TREASON against the United States government during wartime for their own gain. What's the fucking standard here, folks? I mean, I knew we were on the downward spiral as a nation when we freaked out over Janet Jackson's tit, but Christ in a sidecar - what the hell's it going to take? Does Dubya actually have to sodomize an Iraqi boy live on TV, wipe his cock on the American flag, shit on the Constitution, point at the shitpile and laugh, and then kill a bald eagle with his bare hands? Fuck.
Oh, and jihad on Robert Novak, too. Jihad, jihad, jihad. I call for his head, cured and boiled, his enormous lower lip pulled back and stuffed with the finest caviar, and the whole arrangement honey-basted and spit-roasted over an open flame. Then we suck the fish eggs out through his melty eyeholes, and let the dogs play with and fuck his head til his neckhole spurts goo. You feel my hate yet? Jihad, I say.
So yeah, shitbirds, the lot of them. Disagree? Then you're a shitbird. You're either with the shitbirds, or your'n again' 'em! From henceforth, there shall be but two kinds of people in this world: Shitbirds and Squidbags - stand tall and be counted with the Squidbags, or wallow in the shit.