We live in the age of person as product.
The ideal celebrity person has a movie out, an ad hoc book or two about them, is married to (or simply involved with) another celebrity, has their own website and fragrance and clothing/accessory line and can sell more magazines for a publisher in a month by going out in public (perhaps sans certain items of clothing) & being photographed than by actually doing anything. That is a perfectly marketed person. Of course, there are people who have been exposed less than this and are still quite successful and famous celebrities - but quite a few who have what I would consider a toxic level of exposure to the American public. People who have become something more than people. And in so doing, something less. Gotta love a good paradox.
Tom Cruise, Paris Hilton, Brad & Angelina. Britney. Beyonce. Miley Cyrus. Michael Jackson, Kanye West, Will Smith, & Madonna, still. Jennifers, a bunch of them. Simpson girls. Lohan, from jailbait to jailbird. Kardashians & other "reality" show people - Rock of Love, The Bachelor, American Idol - the bullshit list goes on and on. People marketed to within an inch of life - you know more about them than you ever cared to - unless you're someone who reads sites like this.
Well, I propose an unprecented way for the true fan to really get a piece of his/her object of celebrity worship - the Douchecube. Now, hear me out. The famous person in question douches their private areas, the run off water is collected and frozen, and voila! Instant celebrity keepsake that can be packed in dry ice, shipped to the adoring fan for use. The real...essence of the person is kept and packaged for later enjoyment, and by freezing it, a moment of their lives is captured, essential processes stopped and important materials preserved by low temperature arrest. This is great for everyone. The celebrities stay nice and healthy clean (and let's be honest, about some of these people, I have my doubts), the obsessive fan gets something he or she can truly enjoy without breaking the parameters of any restraining orders, and Mother Earth gets a boost when water that would have been wasted in a flush or otherwise sluiced away is saved. Bathwater could be used, or simply the extras from a bottle of water. Douchecubes! A goddamn good idea whose time has come, all rights reserved!
You're shaking your head right now because you think I'm a sick fuck who you can't believe thought of this, much less wrote it down, and because you also know this would sell millions of units, become a cottage industry and make me a millionaire several times over. Admit it.