Ahoy.
I once wrote a poem about being a pirate - back in 1994. I posted once about wanting to be a pirate, when it seemed kind of cool and novel. (look it up, I can't be bothered.) That all seems kind of declasse now. Now that pirates are the new boogeymen, the terrorists of the seas. One wonders if Capt. Jack Sparrow will enjoy the same popularity in these new and piratey times. Will certain sports teams and indeed, that most American of pastimes, porn, also come under fire? The papers looked like it was the 1800s there for about a week around Easter.
I have always been a fan of Blackbeard, in the same way that I am a fan of Richard Nixon and Grigori Rasputin. Something about being incapable of giving up, of being stopped short of a beheading (political or otherwise) is enthralling on many levels. Blackbeard, the myths and legends and the theatrical way he created, cultivated, and sold his own dark and horrifying image - it's like Dick Cheney read his diaries or something.
Modern day pirates thrilled me, too. The guys who hacked Chicago's airwaves in '87, and the creators of filesharing technology that in Chuck D's words, "poured all the M&Ms out on the ground for free" they are minor heroes to me. Thieves who take down bloated and deserving targets. Ingenious robbers of banks, trains, or millions from any source - unless they're using pyramid schemes instead of grit and determination - then they kind of lose me.
Now (well, for years now) we have Somali pirates, roaming the open seas, hijacking and stealing and kidnapping (shanghaiing?) more or less at will, and during the recent unpleasantness which was resolved by Navy SEALS, we had a demonization of the pirates, complete with running roughshod over their country of origin (which admittedly, is pretty fucked) and their religion (also not without serious problems). They have become the objet d'ecoute of the media. Especially the right wingnuts, who found a way to blame the piracy on Obama. (Don't look surprised. I know someone who found a way to blame her recent car accident with a non-English-speaking immigrant woman on Obama.)
At the end of the day, though, there was Bill O'Reilly, whose big idea for stopping Somali pirates is to blockade Somalia. Good plan, Bill. Why is it that that those on the right who seem to have the largest watermelon heads seem to have so little in them? Like shaking a can of fucking spray paint. Somalia's not fucked enough already - let's deprive them of food aid shipments and other resources (moreso than the pirates already do by stealing these same things) and turn them into a desperate nation looking to do anything - like piracy - to survive. I would suggest that Billy be sent there before the blockade, but enough has happened to Somalia already.
And now we turn to real piracy within our borders; the hijacking and theft of human rights under the previous administration whilst the current one stalls the USS Economy in deep and treacherous waters filled with blood and money. Ah, what interesting times in which we live.