In a concerted effort to debunk Darwin's Origin of Species near its sesquicentennial, Mike Seaver from Growing Pains has moved out on his own with a man who molests fruit. They've decided to disprove Darwin's theory that all life on Earth is in a constant state of evolutionary improvement by making videos of themselves and posting them to the Internet. Watch one. You, too will find it hard to argue that these people - and indeed, their ideas, rhetoric and efforts - are anything anyone would consider evolved.
Mike starts off with the contention that America's going to Hell in a handbasket, apparently giving two-fifths of a flying fuck about the rest of the world right off the bat. Fuck 'em, right? They're godless. Stupid rest of the world. Second, Mike tells us our kids can't pray in public anymore. I need this new law printed out and copied, please, so's I can hand it out to kids and their parents at restaurants and sporting events. I was not aware of this important legislation, and needed to have been contacted a while ago about this big societal change. Apparently, children are no longer allowed to be forced to open a Bible in school, and that upsets Mike almost as much as the government stripping away your God-given right to read the 10 commandments at the Federal Building downtown. He's very upset, and he needs a hug from Jesus. Or better yet, Alan Thicke.
He goes on to say that atheism is rampant and on the rise. Again, I must have missed a meeting. But then, I guess we don't have them. After mentioning the fields of psychology and biology once, he goes on to launch a big campaign for putting a version of Origin into kids' hands that has a creationist preface built into it. This is meant to save the souls of our future "doctors, lawyers and politicians" who are mentioned twice. Fuck the blue collar Christians, Mike? What about teachers, or anyone going on to invest, manage, or invent? No, we want the powerful Christians, or we're not happy. Everyone else can, quite literally it seems, go to hell. In an effort to demonize Darwin and get free press (which worked like a charm - never say the Christers don't know their media) he slings Hitler in there. This always works, when really, it should just immediately invoke Godwin's Law; paraphrased, "you are automatically wrong the moment you bring up Hitler." Simple.
After citing a lot of generalized crap about "brainwashing" and anonymous studies, he goes all God on you, makes it painfully, inarguably obvious that he doesn't fully understand anything, and comes off like the ShamWow guy. Then they talk about giving their book away. You definitely have to watch the extended ending, and then her. She's awesome. But still not as funny as they are, all by themselves.
I know they have a commission. They consider it "great." My favorite part of this whole thing, though would have to be here. Two contentions are made: One, that everyone should have a chance to hear "the other side" of the argument on this evolution thing, as though it's possible to exist in America without your mind being raped by the Christian philosophy from dark when you wake up 'til dark when you go to sleep. It's out there, Mike. You're not breaking any new ground. And then, this: "...and the Bible of the atheists is The Origin of Species."
Dude. We don't have a Bible. We're atheists. It's part of the whole atheist thing, not having a book you have to crawl back to and suck your belief system out of. No one book is part and parcel of any atheist's philosophy. We have to forge it ourselves, sometimes every day. It comes from within. Confidence in the self, in the mind, in the now. Using fact and logic to get from point to point, no leaps of faith. Not just going along. I know you don't get that, but please, until you bother to at least try and understand, shut your fucking noise hole, okay? Or I'm sending you to your room without your TV sister's regurgitated dinner.