It's always in the wake of tragedy that we want to talk about what's wrong.
This is a symptom of what is wrong with us as people.
We always want to do it when it's already too late, when it's after the fact, and when it won't do anyone any good whatsoever. We want to act like every horror is a new creature, an aberration. We willfully fail to see patterns, and we sabotage our own behavior, because we aren't mature enough to live up the reality of working really hard every single day at caring. If we acknowledge problems, then that gives us the responsibility for dealing with them, and we in equal parts eschew the extra work and the label of "slacker."
Placing blame is easier.
And make no mistake, Adam Lanza is to blame. Adam Lanza murdered 27 people and brought horror and instability and grief and ruin to a community, a nation, and the world. Parents everywhere feel insecure, while children all over feel fear and loss of innocence. Adam Lanza was a monster, and I'm glad he took his own life before he could dispense any further misery and violence.
But that never seems to be good enough for us. We want revenge, and failing that, prevention, but in a way that doesn't ask very much from us, as that would victimize us, too. We are too selfish to admit the real commitment required to even attempting to deal with something like Sandy Hook before it happens.
So we start conversations. Polarized back-and-forths that fill the time until the next tragedy.
So far, I've heard arguments about security, guns, gun control, abortion, gender roles, expectations of men, religion, hate groups, mental health, privacy rights, education, taxes, the Constitution, progress tracking and police brought into this, and all of them skirt the edges of what's wrong with us without getting in the ring with the problem.
The real problem is that lack compassion and commitment, because those things take work and we don't like to work unless we have to. We live in a free society. A society so free, in fact, that it takes sacrifice and makes it an option. You don't have to sacrifice if you don't want to. You don't have to teach, raise kids, be a doctor, serve in the military, volunteer, or give to charity. You don't have to produce for anyone but yourself if you don't want to.You can work a job for money you keep and then sit on your ass watching TV and eating snacks and still be a solid consumer member of our society. You don't have to do jack, which is why some people still get upset when the President interrupts Sunday Night Football to memorialize children.
We are so free under the law of the land that we forget that some things – like love, compassion, giving and empathy – are more important than the law, more important than ourselves, and crucial to our survival in a civilization. You can't turn a blind eye to what goes on around you all the time, enjoy your guns and gods and rights and dismiss the other people all around and then act fucking shocked when school shootings happen. It's our collective job to pay attention and help out. And trust me: you could make the fucking time.
Help people. The kids at Sandy Hook will always remember the monster who killed their friends and teachers. They will come to understand that early help might have stopped him. They will remember the teachers who sacrificed everything for them, and they will remember the cops and other first responders who helped them live through last Friday.
We can all live more responsibly, and stop acting like we inhabit the universe all by our lonesome; stop being mock-surprised when violence steps up and destroys the relative peace. Stop acting like you're owed something and simply give a little more of yourself. It's up to you to determine what that is, but you know you can do it.
If you're honest.